So far, so good!

I read an interesting book report in the Forward this week, written by Miriam Shaviv. The book in review, "Still Jewish: A History of Women and Intermarriage in America" by Keren R. McGinity, presents the following argument:
"Of the 15 women in McGinity’s sample who intermarried in this period, 13 described intensified Jewish identities, religious practices, or both - particularly after the birth of their children... McGinity describes women who deliberately kept their Jewish-sounding surnames, for example, or began to light Shabbat candles or attend synagogue. Increasing numbers wanted to give their children more Jewish education than they had received, and strikingly felt strongly that they wanted their children to marry other Jews".

Throughout the years, I have come across many articles in the internet in which there is an attempt to present intermarriage in a kind of positive light. I remember, in particular, a report from Boston in which it was claimed that a very high percentage of intermarried families are raising their children as Jews. Other times, we hear about very active converts who are now contributing to their Jewish communities. I'm sure that all these stories are presenting a certain aspect of success in the American Jewish experience, and they are worthy of note.

However, I feel that the real question is never discussed: Why is it that throughout Jewish history intermarriage was such a marginal aspect of Jewish life - and today it is so common? At times, one hears that intermarriage is an expression of acceptance into the wider (non-Jewish) society. The message, then, is that in the past Jews would have intermarried, but since they were rejected by the non-Jews, they would marry only among themselves. But, in my opinion, this is entirely untrue. Intermarriage is an expression of the collapse of a distinctive Jewish identity. The Jews in the past did not refrain from marrying others because they (the Jews) were socially unaccepted; rather, they married within the community as the natural result of being a unique community. Most people do not marry total foreigners. People generally marry others who are very similar to themselves. There are exceptions, of course, and so you will meet someone who found a spouse who comes from a totally foreign cultural background. It is quite unusual. Generally, your spouse shares with you a common language and a common cultural expressiveness. In America, the Jewish world in which Jews have their own society, speaking their own language, producing their own culture and social codes has disappeared. Yiddish is gone, the Jewish neighborhood is gone - and the sense of peoplehood is gone. The Jews are Americans. The American language is their language, American history is their history, and American society is their society. A non-Jewish American is not an "outsider" nor a "foreigner", and so intermarriage is no longer strange or uncommon. It is NOT that the Jews are accepted by American society (they are, of course); rather, the source of intermarriage is the disappearance of a Jewish society that stands in its own right.

As I have pointed out in other entries, it is very uncommon in American Jewry to come out and say: "the American Jewish experience is in the midst of crisis". Quite the contrary. American Jewry sees itself as a big success story. Crisis is always elsewhere in the Jewish world. This is the reason that I wished to call this blog "The Emperor's New Clothes". It is urgent to point out that things are going very badly. The first step towards improvement is the awareness that something is very wrong! The first step is to tell the emperor that he's not wearing beautiful clothing, despite his self-illusions.

One can present intermarriage in a positive light. There is always some aspect that can be seen as fine. So, we can talk about children of intermarriage who still have a Jewish identity, or about active non-Jews in the local synagogue, etc. But this is a deliberate attempt to avoid the central issue of the entire historic phenomenon of today's Diaspora: The disappearance of a Jewish society, the collapse of a distinctive peoplehood identity and the break with the Jewish past.

It's easy to focus on the success story of the here and now. But we are an ancient nation, and our outlook should be in historic terms. The widespread phenomenon of intermarriage is merely of the two last generations in America. It would be silly, after such a short period, to try and convince the American Jewish public that "it's not so bad". Indeed, Jewish identity persists, even among some of the children of the intermarried. But, let's look at Jewish life beyond the terms of here and now, beyond the observation of the last 40 years. Intermarriage is a fact of life in American Jewry. It hasn't come to an end; rather, it will continue unabated into the future. No one can know what the distant future may bring; yet, can anyone imagine after another 10-15 generations of intermarriage that some Jewish author will write a book in which he claims that "it's not so bad"?

This attempt to present intermarriage as "not so bad" - instead of presenting the phenomenon as an indication of a community in collapse - reminds me of a silly joke that I heard once upon a time. A man jumps off a very high building. As he passes the 20th floor, someone calls out to him from the window: "How's it going, Moishe?" The falling man answers: "So far, so good!"

The situation is urgent. A Jewish identity must be recreated in America in which being different is the very essence of Jewishness. The Jews must have their own language, their own history, their own society. This is how it has always been since ancient times. The abandonment of uniqueness by the adoption of the identity of another people means an end of participation in Jewish history. The loss of group identity is the crisis, and intermarriage is merely an expression of this loss of group identity. It is pointless to try and pretend that "so far, so good".